A few years ago my sister told me an alarming story about a friend whose daughters spent the night with some friends. When the girls went home the next day they told their mom that the girls they had spent the night with had shown them pornographic videos on their phones. The most shocking part is that this happened in a good, loving home, with good, attentive parents, who do all they can to teach their children good things. It was a was a wake up call for me. I talked with my husband about it and we realized that we live in a world where it's not a matter of if our children are exposed to pornography, but a matter of when they are exposed to pornography. We decided that we needed to have a talk with our kids about what to do when they were exposed to pornography.
Unfortunately, we didn't decide when we would have that discussion with our children and we ended up not doing it. About a month later, we discovered that one of our kids had been watching pornographic videos on their phone. Apparently several of their school friends had been talking about these "awesome" videos and encouraged our child to watch them. When I caught this child watching the videos, I was horrified. I was so upset that the innocence was lost. But mostly, I was upset that we had not taken the time to discuss this with our children when we had just been warned.
The child's first reaction was "I'm sorry Mama." I said, "I'm sorry too." This child then said, "I feel so bad Mama. I just want to die." I quickly realized that there must be no shame involved in our reaction. I went and grabbed my husband and we talked with our precious child. We assured our child that their worth had not changed and that our love and the Savior's love for them had not changed. We talked about the Atonement and how it applied to the situation. We talked about what needed to happen next. We made plans and set goals for the child and for our family.
The next day we had a family meeting and lesson about pornography and discussed some new family rules. The next Sunday this child talked with our Bishop and we met with the Bishop too. We kept beating ourselves up for not having this talk with our children sooner. We wondered if it would have made a difference? We wondered if this was going to be a lifelong struggle for this child?
We now realize that us hearing that story about my friend's daughters was not a coincidence and we should have acted immediately. If we could do it all over again, we would have had that talk with our kids the very next day. So don't wait. Talk to your kids now. Talk to your kids while they are young and prepare them. Because they will see it. They will be exposed. It's not a matter of if, but when.
Sunday, March 26, 2017
Family Night Lesson on Pornography
Because pornography is so easily accessible from many different outlets, we must start teaching our children at an early age what pornography is, why it is dangerous, and what to do when they see it. Here is a family night lesson designed to share with young children to teach them about pornography and how to respond when they see it.
Opening Song: Choose the Right
Scripture: D&C 121:45--"Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God"
Discussion: Talk with your children about the video. Discuss situations they have been in or may be in in the future. Do not shame them. Try to make them feel at ease so they will feel comfortable coming to talk to you in the future if they need to.
Story: The Best Coach
Discussion: Oh No! Now What?
Free Online Program to Overcome Porn Addiction
In 2009 a nonprofit organization called Fight the New Drug was founded that focuses on educating youth and raising awareness on the harmful effects of pornography. They have also created an online program called Fortify, which was specifically designed to help young people struggling with porn addiction find permanent freedom. The program is free for ages 13-20. For ages 21 and up there is a one time fee of $39. The program consists of 50 educational video lessons that last anywhere from 2 to 10 minutes. It also includes a personalized battle strategy, personal vulnerability test, personal battle tracker calendar, and access from any device. This could be a great resources to help a friend or loved one overcome pornography addiction.
Online Protection
One of the ways you can protect your home and children from pornography is by installing one of the many programs designed specifically for parents to control what their children have access to online. Here are a few of the most popular ones available.
*K9 Web Protection--Free service that allows you to block websites according to category, set time limits, and much more.
*Net Nanny--Offers parental controls, including social media monitoring and profanity masking. Prices start at $60 per year, depending on the number of devices you want to protect.
*Covenant Eyes--Monitors websites visited, search terms used, videos watched, and lists them in a report that is sent to your email each day. Includes optional filtering and a panic button. The family rate is $14.99 per month and includes unlimited users and devices.
Advice To Parents
What
a High School Police Officer Wished Parents Knew:
ü Parents would
be familiar with what apps their children are using. Kids will always be one
step ahead, but knowledge of the technology is half the battle.
ü Consistently
check your children’s app accounts for “volt apps” apps that appear as
calculators or other helpful apps, but once you put in a specific code, it’s a
way to hide photos or video’s.
ü Over 50% of
the phones (in the High School where the officer serves) holds some context of
“sexting” either images or messages. Talk to your kids about the danger of
sending sexual content, and how quickly it can be spread.
ü There are predators
out their waiting, never trust relationships made over social media.
Trauma: Gateway to Addiction
By Joy Olmstead and Jandie Lowe
Traumatic Experiences
I was a young mother of seven
children living in a suburb in California. We had it all-a successful and
prosperous business, beautiful family, excellent schools, a large gorgeous home
with a pool. The typical American dream-then tragedy struck. My younger brother
was killed instantly at the age of 26. I didn’t know then, but this was just
the beginning of ten long years of trauma and suffering for my children and
myself. My husband spiraled out of control down a road of pornography addiction
and extramarital affairs. I discovered the first affair within weeks of my
brother’s death. The second affair ended our marriage after three long years of
fighting for my family to stay together.
As a divorced mother of six
minor children, I had relocated to another state after losing my home and car.
I met him on the Internet on a singles site. It was a whirlwind romance as he
swept me off my feet. Due to the trauma and battered self-worth from my first
husband’s affairs and divorce, I missed the red flags as he pushed for
marriage. Shortly after marrying him, I knew I had made a mistake. His views on
sex and sexuality were off especially with women and young girls-I had five. I
will never forget the day I found proof that he had profiles on pornography
sites on the Internet. He was deep into addiction. Suddenly, instantly,
everything clicked. It all made sense. I was sickeningly horrified. A
combination of panic, fear, dread, and immense, overwhelming heartache and sadness
overcame me. Questions swirled in my head: “How did this happen?”… “How did I
allow myself and my children to be in such a vulnerable position?”
I was a girl from a tiny farm
town in the West when a friend came out to visit from the east coast. I didn't
know then, that my whole life would be impacted from that visit. I have
come to realize those small moments we participate in are what impacts our
future lives in the biggest way. During this visit, we fell in love, and knew
we wanted to be together. That started a year of flying back and forth every
other weekend. Coming from a small town, I saw a whole world open up. Traveling
and seeing things I never thought I would, it was all so exciting. Not to
mention, I was living my fairytale. After a year of long distance, I moved to
Virginia. That is when I came face to face with the aftermath of trauma. Red
flags started coming to the surface, addictions to drugs and pornography all to
mask the trauma he had witnessed when he was a young boy. Not only had trauma
dramatically impacted the life of the man I loved, but also it was now
affecting mine.
Effects of Trauma and Addiction
With pornography and
substance addiction on the rise, more and more families are being traumatized.
The negative impact these substances have on our homes, our families, our
children, and our lives affects all of us. These stories represent a part of
each and every one of our lives in some way or another. Even if we individually
haven’t had trauma in our own lives, we know someone that has. You know that
person, who is wonderful in every way except he/ she can’t get this one thing
together and it affects the rest of their lives!
Many people who have
experienced trauma want to mask the pain and often resort to drugs and
pornography as that balm. Trauma is defined as a deeply distressing or
disturbing experience. In medical terminology they describe trauma as
physical injury. Trauma leads to these addictions, which then leads to more
traumas in the family, which then breeds more addiction.
- In drug rehabilitation centers, 85%
of the patients have experienced trauma (Giorano 2014).
- 45 out of 50 people who experience high
levels of childhood trauma engage in substance abuse and experience
lowered self-esteem (Ekinci 2015).
- According to a study by Clifford L.
Broman (2003), there is evidence that attitudes towards pornography can
become more accepting after trauma.
How to Find Hope and Healing
As a society filled with
people who are suffering from trauma, we need to be the ones to stand and say
this addictive behavior isn’t acceptable. We need to deal with the problem at
hand, and heal trauma victims’ injuries before it leads to addiction. Often
those who suffer from addiction aren’t ready for help. We then must make sure
we keep ourselves and those we love safe. We have to be aware of those moments
that are life changing and make sure we are able to step away for our families,
our children, and our own well-being. There are many organizations that stand
ready to help with information and resources to lend hope and healing to our
families, our children, and those loved ones who are already deeply entrapped
in addictions. Let’s unite together as a society and fight for what matters
most to us-our homes, our families, our children.
List of sites fighting against pornography:
List of states and national organization websites:
National
Utah
Maryland
Texas
List of organizations for information and help with addiction:
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A few years ago my sister told me an alarming story about a friend whose daughters spent the night with some friends. When the girls went ho...
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By Joy Olmstead and Jandie Lowe Traumatic Experiences I was a young mother of seven children living in a suburb in California. We had i...
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A guide to laws protecting children from exploitation and obscenities the rest are about the CIP act and other l...
